Negotiation Secret # 187: How NOT to Shake Hands

While Mitt Romney enjoys national front-runner status (or nearly so depending on the pole) in the race for the Republican nomination for the 2012 U.S. Presidency, here at the recent Iowa State Fair he defaults to a old-style political mistake. His primary error (but not the only one shown in this image), is his gripping of the left upper arm/shoulder of this potential voter. This is virtually always negatively received. It is an example of an excessive display of dominance and alpha behavior. In some settings it implies friendship-intimacy where none exists. Both are emotionally-inappropriate here and not in Mitt's best interest. Similar maneuvers are gripping the left elbow or the double-handed (sandwiched) handshake. While he certainly wants to seem "presidential", this is not the way to accomplish it. When attempting to build rapport, the "little things" add up quickly. While others may not be able to list the reasons they feel uncomfortable vs. comfortable, their subconscious will quickly integrate what is seen and felt - and will leave them with an accurate gist. What emotions are you projecting?

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Sincerity Secret # 121: Are You as Sincere as Pippa Middleton?

Why is Pippa Middleton so popular? Well, she's gorgeous, her sister is The Duchess of Cambridge and she just received some worldwide press coverage as her maid-of-honor. But I would content that her level of extreme sincerity is also one of the reasons. Why are some people thought of as sincere and some are not? Perhaps the most important answer to this question is that their Body Language is highly congruent with their words and their behavior. When there is disparity between the two - people are left with an strong feeling of insincerity. Sincerity detection is similar to lie detection, but it casts a broader net. Those who are insincere, will eventually lie to you - probably sooner than later, and probably often as well. Can you detect sincerity? Do you project this magical quality? On a scale of one to ten, how would your co-workers rate your sincerity? Your spouse? Your Children? I'm amazed this isn't spoken about more often - for it is absolutely one of the most important qualities a person can have - and detect.

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Negotiation Secret # 116: Two Types of Smiles Which One is Sincere?

Here are two actors from one of the best television dramas ever. The West Wing received three Golden Globes and 27 Emmy awards including Outstanding Drama Series which it won in four consecutive years. Bradley Whitford played the Deputy Chief-of-Staff, Josh Lyman and Janel Moloney played his senior assistant, Donna Moss. They are both incredibly fantastic actors, however this photo shows one of them with a sincere smile and one with an insincere, (but certainly better than most people's) "Social Smile". Which one is sincere? Are you sure? The fact both that excellent professional actors find it difficult to always smile on-demand, underscores the validity and value of body language.

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Nonverbal Communication Negotiation Secret # 323: I am Not a Crook!

It never ceases to amaze me just how many alpha personalities cross their arms in front of their chests' and believe they are projecting power, confidence, assertiveness or some other positive attribute(s). Attorneys do it in court, physicians do so with their patients, CEOs routinely pose this way on magazine covers and sometimes (although it is increasingly rare) even heads of state do it. The above video is the famous moment when U.S. President Richard Nixon said, "...Well, I am not a Crook..." and afterwards he took a step back and slightly to his left, then he crossed his arms tightly. I can think of no better example of this "dis-behavior" than Richard Nixon displayed here. Today is the 37th anniversary of his resignation - perhaps a good time to revisit this moment in history and this dramatically overused, misunderstood and telling body language signal.

The act of stepping backwards (even if it were done without the arm-crossing) in this context, is a strong body nonverbal tell of defensiveness.

When people cross their arms across their chest, defensiveness-insecurity and closed mindedness are the most common emotional tones. There may be, of course, other emotions overlapping too. When clenched fists are seen there may also be and anger-hostility component present. Tightly clenched fists may very well be an indicator of an impending violent act. Tucked fingers may indicate a more pure emotional state of insecurity. While a arms crossed with fingers & hands gripping the opposite biceps may indicate an anger-insecurity mix. And although not fully visible, this last variation is what Richard Nixon appears to have been using in the above video.

The obvious exception to the above examples is someone who is cold - people will decrease their surface area by crossing their arms - and often in this setting they with ball up their fists or put their hands under their opposite armpits. This is often very obvious and is usually accompanied by an elevation of the shoulders, foreshortening of the neck and bending of the neck so that the chin covers the neck.

What other tells does Richard Nixon show display?

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Negotiation Secret # 454: Controlling a Negative Emotional Soup

In the above video, one of my favorite actors, Matt Damon gives us several beautiful demonstrations of an "Inward Lip Roll". Here he was attending the recent 2011 "Save Our Schools" March in Washington D.C. The inward lip roll is a sign of increased anxiety and stress - and it very often has a component of anger within it. The lips are, of course, an extremely sensitive tissue. Touching one or both with the hand/fingers, tongue, teeth or other lip is an example of a manipulator/adaptor/pacifier (MAP). We display MAPs during times of increased anxiety. It is helpful to think of the inward lip roll as an attempt to control a negative emotional "soup" - with the main ingredient often being anger.

What other signs of anger are displayed? Anxiety? Contempt (see photo too)? Are there any microexpressions? This is an excellent short video with several outstanding nonverbal examples. Body language is almost impossible to suppress. Our true emotions will always "leak" or "pour" out. Even great actors cannot control their emotions when they are in the thick of them.

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Negotiation Secret #315: Somalia Suffering plus corruption

This Somali Woman is displaying several different Emotions. Her primary one is disgust. This is evidenced by her central facial tightening and in particular the flaring/dilation of her nostrils (Something that doesn't come as easily in the desert country of Somalia. It can lead to drying of the nasal passages, throat and thus even can contribute to dehydration.).

Her head is not turned, but her eyes are gazing to her left. This is a signal that she doesn't like, doesn't trust or doesn't believe the person(s) at who(m) she is looking. These emotions, of course, certainly have some overlap with the that of disgust.

She has her head tilted slightly to her right - away from the object of her disgust. This is often seen with disbelief, disgust and dislike.

Her slightly down-turned mouth is, of course, an emotional display of sadness.

The forehead she displays combined with the slightly closed eyelids (inner portion of the obicularis oculi) indicates mild-moderate anger (think Clint Eastwood). There is very possibly a grief-distress component mixed-in with her forehead muscle contracture.

I would summarize her emotions at approximately 50% Disgust, 30% Anger, 10% Sadness along with 10% incredulousness. This is a relatively complex photo to analyze from a body language standpoint - however very illustrative of the real world in which we live. Often more than one emotion is felt and therefor displayed at any one time.

The story behind this photo is very telling. Apparently some soldiers were trying to take food from the relief efforts and some of those who tried to prevent this were shot and killed. I can certainly understand all of her Disgust/Anger/Sadness/Incredulousness when I think about her situation and what she has witnessed. My heart goes out to her and those suffering with her.

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Negotiation Secret # 303: A Classic Signal of Skepticism

The beautiful and talented Uma Thurman gives us a great example of a "Skeptical Eybrow". Notice how her left brow is elevated and her left forehead is also contracted. This is often accompanied by mid-facial and mouth signs of contempt - but not here. The skeptical eyebrow may indeed be the only visible signal of incredulousness - and it may appear as a very brief, microexpression - lasting less than 0.5 seconds and as little as 0.04 seconds! 

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Negotiation Secret # 102: The Often Overlooked Midface

The girl is angry. Her anger level is mild to moderate. She demonstrates this emotion by displaying an excellent example of mid-face tightening. Her upper lip is narrowed and tightened (but not rolled in)- a reliable sign of anger. The entire "mustache area" (I refer to this region the same for both sexes - a simple and orienting descriptive term) is tightened as well. This tightening is most easily seen by observing the two tissue ridges of the philtrum becoming flattened (The philtrum is the central concave depression with two lateral raised lines of skin that extends from the inner edges of each nostril to the central upper lip - this conjunction makes the two slightly pointed prominences on the upper lip "peak", giving the "cupids bow" appearance to the upper lip). Look for this dynamic flattening. It is a clue to anger. It often is accompanied by at least some degree of nostril dilation (which is also seen with other emotional states such as disgust - bilaterally, and unilaterally with contempt, etc.). The skin of the lower lids are also tightened (along with being partially closed). So start tuning into this mid-face tension, lest you miss early signs of anger. 

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Dating & Romance Secret #227: Are You Comfortable Around Your Ex?

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Are you comfortable around your Ex? ......Cameron Diaz is - at least when it comes to Justin Timberlake. She's not only comfortable, she's supportive. When someone is in the "Arms Akimbo, with Thumbs Forward" stance, it most often indicates a supportive and nurturing emotional mindset. It also may indicate a quizzical emotional tone. It is more commonly displayed by women and is very commonly seen with teachers around younger children or by mothers at the playground.

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Negotiation Secret # 235: What Emotion is Anna Feeling?

What is the Primary Emotion Anna Paquin is feeling at the moment this image was captured? What is her Secondary Emotion? Hint: What is you first impression the moment you first looked at it? Next, break the photo into five segments and evaluate them in isolation - forehead, eyes, mid-face, mouth and neck. When you start to excel at Body Language - your initial impression and your left-brained analysis will be in agreement.

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