Leadership Secret # 35: A Friendlier Way to Point

This is George Mitchell.  Currently he is U.S. Special Envoy to the Middle East.  In the past he has been U.S. Senate Majority Leader and Chairman of the Walt Disney Corporation. He is seen here during talks in Washington D.C. between Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel and Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbasprior.

Mr. Mitchell is seen here using what has been come to be known as the "Politician's Point".  Rather than pointing with the index finger, which is universally poorly received as negative, aggressive, patronizing, and angry, an experienced leader may "point" with this okay sign - aka the politicians point.  Those who use the Okay sign in this manner, are judged to be warm, understanding, intelligent and focused on sincere problem solving.  It's best to use it a bit more relaxed than Mr. Mitchell is showing us here.  In particular, be careful to avoid pinching  the pads of  thumb and index finger together, but rather keep only the tips of these digits touching forming a circular shape. It's interesting to observe that the faces of those gesturing with the latter variation of this "politician's point" (loose okay sign) will tend to have more relaxed smiles, while those using the "pinched" okay sign, will tend to have more tense faces.

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Negotiation Secret # 66: Bad Body Pointing - Redux

Promise yourself that you'll never pose for a handshake like these two well-meaning, but ill-informed World leaders are doing in this photo.  It is unnatural and insincere.  

When you shake another's hand, your body (face, shoulder, pelvis, and feet) should be parallel to their's. Here, the President of Finland, Tarja Halonen and the United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-moon bodies are at 120 degrees (faces less so, but still mis-aligned) to each other.  When you shake another's hand you want to give them your full attention.  For a moment, it's important to make them feel as if they're the only one in the Universe.  When any part of your body  is pointed away from them, you are transmitting a signal of insincerity and disinterest.  This is one of many reasons why some people are charismatic and others are not. 

The other odd thing about this posed handshake is that their bodies are positioned too closely.  For all parts of the World, with the possible exception of some parts of Southern Europe, they are in each other's personal space and this will cause the other to feel invaded, very uncomfortable and sometimes even threatened or angry.

Ms. Halonen and Mr. Ki-moon are both very experienced leaders with good motives. I doubt they want to project anything but optimism, honesty, and good faith. But this is not what is happening. We all know this is a posed photograph and yet, knowing that, it still transmits feelings of insincerity and artificiality. Sincerity always trumps fake. Always.

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Leadership Secret # 38: Four Levels of Confidence

This is a very real-world and illustrative photograph of four different levels of confidence displayed by four different ladies.  From left to right, the confidence levels (at the moment of the photo) are 3, 4, 2, and 1; with 1 being the most confident and 4 being the least.  It is very important to remember, that this only applies to the moment of the photograph and with a single photograph, it is not possible or wise to apply this to their overall personalities.

Hands are in the pockets is signal to others that you don't want to engage, that you don't really want to talk, and is ill-advised when you want to project confidence. There are two variations on the protective "fig-leaf" stance seen here by the two ladies on the left, the difference being a "prop" for added blocking effect.  Whenever a pillow, purse, book, glasses, brief case, etc. is held in front of the body, it is an additional coefficient of low confidence.  Angie Watson on the far right, with no blocking or protective signals, displays the highest confidence with her arms and hands at her side. It's also no surprise that of the four, she is also displaying the most sincere smile.

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Negotiation Secret # 67: Incredulous Cluster

Here, Aleksandar Djorovic displays a great example of an Incredulity Cluster.  In the field of body language, a cluster is two or more signals displayed at once or in a short period of time. The entire width and breadth of his forehead is raised while his head and eyes are pointed down.  He issues a strained false smile with mild disgust (Note Aleksandar's mid-face tightening and his raised lower lip).  He is also squinting. His scratching the top of his head is a great example of a manipulator aka adaptor which signifies discomfort and anxiety about what he just saw or heard.  These are seven signals - all of which support the emotional display of incredulity.

As you learn more about nonverbal communication, seek to observe clusters of signals - not just a single sign in isolation.  Clusters are the "sentences" of Body Language.

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Negotiation Secret # 68: A Wolf in Leader's Clothing

This is Suriname's President Desi Bouterse pictured during a recent press conference. Leaders will sometimes  adopt this "Pseudo-Praying" gesture to appear holy, god-like or above reproach. Very few people do this deliberately. It is subconscious. Bouterse is a convicted cocaine smuggler and a former coup leader. Surprise! Beware the "leader" wearing costume and facade.

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Nonverbal Communication Analysis No. 70: Robert Redford and The Sting of Denial & Anger

Robert Redford feels The Sting of Frustration. The emotion of frustration has components of anger, disappointment, denial and conflict.  His fingers are brought to his forehead and his thumb to his cheek in this extremely classic physical metaphor for frustration and pain. The actor/director's lower teeth are barred and his jaw is protruding slightly consistent with mild anger. The head tilted downward is also indicative of  a negative emotional tone.

Mr. Redford's eyes are closed which in this setting is known as visual blocking. We close our eyes for an extended time (sometimes for just what seems like an extended blink and often a good bit longer) when we don't like what we see. It's as if we have a wish to erase an event or momentary denial for what we have just seen (or heard). Those who are strong visual-thinkers will also do this when imaging or recalling a negative event in their "mind's eye".

When you see this cluster, especially the characteristic hand gesture, the overwhelming emotional tone is frustration. Those who display this cluster often (and I don't mean to imply Mr. Redford does - we all do this on occasion) have a increased propensity for passive-aggressive behavior. It is also very instructive to think of this  gesture cluster as a time-compressed version of the first and second stages of grief (denial and anger).

Often people don't yell or verbally admonish others when they feel the emotion of frustration. Reality is often subtle until it's too late to effect positive change. Like any teacher, I give try to give good examples which act as models and maps for those who are learning. Always remember though, the map is not the territory, and the real world is full of grey-zones where issues are not so clear cut. Try your best to discern the details and nuance which most others gloss over, for it is in these times when you will most benefit, lest emotions build to extreme.

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Negotiation Secret # 71: Mirror, Mirror

In this photograph, Mr. Norman Francis sits with Michelle Obama.  He is president of Xavier University and she, of course, is first lady of the United States.  Mr. Francis' face and body posture are a nearly perfect mirror of Ms. Obama's. We tend to strongly mirror those we admire.  It is also a fundamental rapport-building tool used by the perceptive to gain another's favor or friendship.

Care should be taken not to mirror others too exactly or too close in time, lest it backfire.  In addition, it would be wise to avoid mirroring in all subordinate-superior relationships - in some contexts it will be taken as an affront by the superior. 

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Negotiation Secret # 121: Glasses in Mouth

When a person takes off his glasses in the middle of a conversation, press conference, cross-examination, etc.  it is a sign they are stalling for thinking-time.  In a negotiating or mediating type setting, this is most often seen at the end of the discussion when a decision has been asked for.  It is also one of examples of a pacifier, also known as a manipulator or adaptor.  Like all manipulators, it is a sign of increased discomfort or anxiety.

Although highly refined and very experienced in high pressure situations, we can be sure that Russian Deputy Prime Minister Sergei Ivanov feels anxiety and is stalling for time while he is formulating his answer.  Remember this the next time you are in a negotiation.

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Fiero after Accomplishment

Fiero is a Unique Emotion that is often seen after sporting events, but it's certainly not limited to athletic events alone. It is felt and seen after a difficult problem is overcome whether the obstacle is physical, emotional, intellectual, financial, etc. - and regardless of  it's origin, once a significant problem is overcome and a great accomplishment is achieved, fiero is the name given to describe this emotion.

It is interesting that although English has more total words than any other language, it doesn't have as many words which describe the different positive emotions as many other languages. It needs more. The word "Fiero" is Italian in origin.  In this photo Spanish Mountain Bike rider Jose Antonio Hermida Ramos, experiences fiero after winning the World Championship in 2010.  The posture of arms up and moving wildly, fists clenched and jumping (Jose would be, but he's on his bike) are highly typical of fiero.  Mr. Ramos' facial expression is also highly consistent - shouting, mouth open extra wide with teeth bared (including the bottom teeth)  - interestingly similar to extreme anger - is demonstrated well after his victory.  Note how his eyes are nearly closed as well.  After a few seconds, just after the accomplishment is achieved, these very extreme facial expressions resembling pain and anger are replaced by classic emotional expressions of pure and extreme joy.  It is here that you will see some of the most sincere examples of smiles and happiness.

Fiero does not need an audience.  It is not braggadocio in nature. We all can recall moments when we felt fiero and we were alone - but like all positive emotions it is much more enjoyable when shared.

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What does this mean?

When the index finger and the thumb are displayed close, but not touching, this may indicate the obvious - a small amount - but this also may indicate something less obvious - a feeling of uncertainty or hesitancy.

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