Nonverbal Communication Analysis No. 2928: Oscar Pistorius, Hugging, Affection and Sincerity (PHOTO)

This image of Oscar Pistorius was taken several weeks ago during his trial of which he is accused of murdering his then girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp (vs. accidentally killing her believing she was an intruder).

In this photo Mr. Pistorius is hugging a supporter. The identity of the woman is unknown (It may very well be that she is a member of the general public or an acquaintance) and we do not have this in a video format to put this moment in a greater context - yet there is a huge nonverbal lesson here.

Human-to-human contact is a relatively rare event - accounting for a very small percentage of any given day (even among family members).  Whenever a hug is given, it should generally be given with two hands - unless a deliberate emotional distance is being sought or maintained. Thus a large majority of the time, when a higher level of affection is being projected or desired - a hug should be more fully expressed. Put down your phone, your car keys, your brief case, your purse, etc. - and be entirely present in the moment. This is particularly true when the other person is family, a lover or a good friend - but again, if a hug is being initiated - most of the time it should be done so sincerely and with some level of affection. If it is given sincerely and not returned similarly (or a vice versa) - this interpersonal information is very valuable and should be known.

The act of hugging well is a huge rapport builder. Don't pass up the opportunity to build rapport and affection in those who want or deserve it.

If the other person is not an individual with whom you have affection or feel socially obligated to hug - a one-armed hug is advisable and acceptable - however do so from a standpoint of full social-situational awareness - rather from one of naïveté, lack of mindfulness or poor body language knowledge/skill. There are of course numerous other nonverbal parameters of hugs which will either up-regulate or down-regulate the affection and intimacy level of the hug, kiss or other encounter (how many you can list?).

See also:

Nonverbal Communication Analysis No. 2927: Barack Obama regarding ISIS/ISIL - Atypical for the President

Nonverbal Communication Analysis No. 2785: Oscar Pistorius - Another Day of Testimony - Low Confidence Body Language Display

Nonverbal Communication Analysis No. 2809: Oscar Pistorius, Reeva Steenkamp and Kim Myers

Nonverbal Communication Analysis No. 2788: Oscar Pistorius Trial - Frustration & Anger

Nonverbal Communication Analysis No. 2750: Oscar Pistorius, Reeva Steenkamp and Lies

Nonverbal Communication Analysis No. 2919: Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama - Friends? - will they Hug it Out?

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Nonverbal Communication Analysis # 2214: John McCain Jokes - sort of .... and John Kerry senses Deception

In the video above, John McCain (R-AZ) jokes with the audience and his colleague from across the aisle, John Kerry (D-MA) while calling the Massachusetts Senator, "Mr. Secretary" - alluding to the well-known speculation that Kerry has been for some time, on President Obama's short-list to replace Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State - although he is probably not Barack's first choice. The recent controversy regarding Susan Rice has made Kerry's nomination for this post somewhat more likely. Some have suggested that the republican attacks on Ms. Rice have the ulterior motive of vacating Kerry's U.S. senate seat for a potential republican spot in a special election, should Rice's nomination not pass the Senate - and Kerry is nominated and approved instead. Chess on the Senate floor.

Significant body language tells are displayed in this segment - with several different underlying emotions. Just after Senator McCain springs his joke, Senator Kerry rubs his lower forehead/upper brow and to briefly covers both eyes. This nonverbal indicates emotional processing, and a wanting to "wipe it from his mind" - he is saying to himself, "I can't believe he just said that". 

Very shortly after the above noted bilateral display, Senator Kerry rubs his left eye only. This body language of a unilateral eye rub indicates that, after the initial surprise, Kerry believes that there was something deceptive transpiring. As suggested above, he is most probably questioning Senator McCain's motives.

In the real world, emotions rarely occur in isolation and they also happen in rapid sequence. After Kerry says, "See, this is what happens when you get two losers up here", while their laughter and smile are sincere, Kerry's evanescent grabbing and shaking of the back of McCain's head/upper neck (just prior to one-armed hug) indicates more than a hint of a reprimand and scolding and is also an alpha display.

See also:

Nonverbal Communication Analysis #1843: United Nations Ambassador Susan Rice in Response to Syrian Government's Houla Massacre

Nonverbal Communication Analysis # 1698: Susan Rice, Bashar Ja'afari & Kofi Annan's Six Point Peace Plan for Syria

Nonverbal Communication Analysis # 2198: Susan Rice's Body Language at United Nations - Her First Public Appearance Since her Initial  Post Benghazi Attack T.V. interviews

Nonverbal Communication Analysis # 2190: President Obama's Body Language - Press Conference 14 October 2012 - in Defense of Ambassador Susan Rice

Nonverbal Communication Analysis # 2195:  Sen. John McCain's Body Language when  Comparisons made between  Condoleezza Rice to Susan Rice & War with Iraq to Benghazi, Libya Attack

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Nonverbal Communication Analysis No. 2: Body Language of Blake Lively and Penn Badgley Strongly Suggests an Impending Break-up in Near Future (PHOTOS)

Blake Lively and her boyfriend, Penn Badgley are shown hugging in this photo on the set of the TV show "Gossip Girl". But unless this is part of the script (and I don't think it is), this "Hug" is considerably non-affectionate and is a strong signal of an impending break-up of this actor couple. Let's start at the ground and work up. Notice their feet are not even close to pointing at each other. This is a very strong indicator of non-affection, especially during a hug. We point our feet towards those we love, like, are attracted to, or have affection for (even if not in an embrace) - or those we believe are important and deserve our respect. In the context of a married or dating couple, this is a flashing neon sign of non-affection and impending break-up. You heard it here first.

The couple's hips are far apart and also not pointed at each other (angled apart) - Blake's even more significantly. This is how you hug your cousin or your co-worker (see post on Cameron Diaz's and Tom Cruise's hug), not your significant other. Another detail here, is that Ms. Lively is bending more at the waist, while Mr. Badgley's waist is not bent at all. This particular waist finding is our emotional brain's attempt at keeping our hips further apart and our hugs less intimate, less affectionate and less committed. Blake is just not into it. To all men who get a hug like this on a "first date" - you won't get a second one.

Ms. Lively has a purse in her right arm, and she is hugging with only one arm. Blake's emotional brain is using her forearm to act as a barrier against affection. The purse is an additional barrier. These are two strong additional warning signs. Penn is hugging primarily with his left arm - his right arm is only slightly engaged.

Finally, look at their eyes, while Mr. Badgley's eyes remain closed, Ms. Lively's eyes open first (see photo below). We tend to close our eyes and keep them closed longer when the affection, the commitment and the love is deeper. Our emotional brain is focusing on the affection of the moment and trying to drink it all in. If one person never closes their eyes, or opens them quickly - there is less emotional commitment.

Using actors as examples to teach and coach body language is particularly illustrative, because it demonstrates so poignantly that although they are professionals and get paid millions to suspend our disbelief, faking emotion is extremely difficult to do. Truth always leaks, and often gushes out. It surprises me that more actors don't get body language coaching. It not only will help them become better actors, but as it does for everyone else - it gives profound understanding of all human emotion.

Update: Five days after this article-analysis was posted, Blake Lively and Penn Badgley split-up!

See also:

Secret # 702: Mouth of Fear, Trying to Smile and Forehead of Pain

Secret # 133: Surprise or Smile or Neither?

Nonverbal Communication Secret # 2091: Sincere Smiling (a la' Blake Lively) and Laughing Reduces Anxiety and  Heart Rate, Boosts Immune System and Relieves Pain

Nonverbal Communication Analysis # 2203: A Body Language Metric of Intimacy and Affection -  How Do YOU cuddle?

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