Leadership Secret # 10: High Confidence vs. Low Confidence Stance

This photo provides and excellent example contrast of projecting high confidence vs. low confidence. On the left is the former U.S. President Bill Clinton and on the right is current Attorney General of California, Jerry Brown.  Although with less than three weeks before the election, he currently leads Meg Whitman in the poles by six percentage points in California's Gubernatorial race, and he also held this same office twice in the past (from 1975 - 83, before California's term limits were set), Mr. Brown displays a posture of low confidence. It is a cardinal rule never to clasp your hands low and in front and in a public setting, yet so many politicians do it. This is known as a "fig leaf" position. It is a sign of low confidence and vulnerability. Moreover, rather than just a loose clasping of the hands, he is gripping three of his fingers quite firmly - signifying an even greater level of anxiety. This posture pulls ones shoulders forward and down - not the best way to look when you're trying to follow Arnold Schwarzenegger in office. Hunched shoulders simply do not demonstrate confidence - no way, no how. In addition, Jerry's mouth is foreshortened and down-turned - giving pensive and tentative signals. Jerry Brown looks tense and he shouldn't be.

Now look at Mr. Clinton. The former U.S. President hands are clasped BEHIND his back. If you're ever feeling intimidated or nervous, simply standing like this will increase your confidence.This posture, among others, temporarily increases testosterone (yes, even in women) and decreases cortisol (a stress-related hormone). Any politician will tell you Bill projects confidence better than almost anyone - and he sets the example for Mr. Brown here. Look at Mr. Clinton's mouth - although not smiling, it is thoughtful and pondering - certainly not lacking in confidence. 

As Maya Angelou once said, people don't remember so much what you said, but they always remember how you made them feel.

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Negotiation Secret # 59: The Bottom 16

Most of those who see this photo have no problem seeing that Sam Rockwell is angry.  The most obvious signals of this emotion are his medial (inner) brows are lowered and are pulled together. The currugator muscle is also contracted giving those characteristic vertical lines just above the nose in the central lower forehead. Interestingly, this can also be a facial signal for moderate to intense concentration. So be careful to not mistake the thinker for the angered.

Looking for the less obvious, we find that Sam's eye lids are somewhat closed. This can also be a sign of subtle to severe anger. Here we see a subtle version of Clint Eastwood.

But the reason I chose to use this photo is because it contains a gem of a body language signal in another part of the face. Look at the mouth. You see a fine example of the display of lower teeth.  No upper teeth are visible. When only the lower teeth are displayed and those upper 16 are hidden - think anger! I don't mean to imply that the upper teeth must be hidden for anger to be present. There are certainly classic mouth displays of anger where both the upper and lower teeth are visible. But you should endeavor to learn all the nuance and variation of nonverbal communication. If Mr. Rockwell's eyes were relaxed, but his mouth was unchanged - this should still send an anger signal to your gray matter. Being aware of the subtle signs of emotion in others will put you a mile ahead of everyone else. Knowing what people are thinking and feeling is a very real kind of magic.

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Negotiation Secret # 60: Irish Eyes and Neck Massage equals.....

Michael O'Leary, the chief executive officer at Ryanair, is displaying a classic display of a high neck rub. Massaging one's neck is an attempt to pacify distress. These very specific types of gestures are known as "manipulators" or "adaptors". An increase in the amount of self-touching is a reliable sign of increased anxiety and stress.  Adaptors also tend to increase during deception, but they are certainly not the only sign to look for when you suspect a lie is being told.  Anxiety can certainly increase during honesty and sincerity.  Although the presence of manipulators is not sine qua non for deception, you should always be aware of the moment-to-moment trends in manipulators of others and in yourself.

The neck is a particularly sensitive area and self-touching in this area is generally significant of a greater amount of distress.  Men tend to massage their necks at these times more robustly and women more daintily.

Mr. O'Leary is demonstrating an extreme tight-lipped smile.  His lips are stretch so much that they have seemed to nearly disappear.  Notice also that his eyes are more widely opened that normal.  In this context, this is a sign of significant anger.  You can be sure that Mr. O'Leary is quite angry at this press conference where he announced that Ryanair would close its only French base at Marseilles Airport come January 2011, because of disagreement with French authorities. Note that I'm not saying that Michael lost his temper.  What I am saying is that he's feeling significantly angry.  It's very likely that his words are well chosen and diplomatic.  But if you were doing business with a person displaying these same signals, you would put yourself at an extreme advantage to be able to spot emotion and quantify it.

Mr. O'Leary is trying to pacify himself (subconsciously) by massaging his neck. We all do this. The Vagus Nerves (one on each side) pass through the neck on their way to organs in the chest and abdomen. Gentlly massage them in the right manner will actually slow heart and breathing rates.

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Negotiation Secret # 61: The High Steeple

This is an example of a high "Steeple" gesture.  Often the fingers and thumb meet at a less obtuse angle than Mr. Kaspar Villiger, the Chairman of Swiss Bank, UBS is displaying.  It is a high confidence gesture. People of low confidence never display this signal.  It is also a high status gesture, so it is very unusual for the unemployed or for the lower half of the socioeconomic class to perform.  It is interesting to note that, in general, the higher the steeple is displayed, the higher the degree of confidence.  But gender also plays a role. Women who steeple, tend to steeple lower, while men tend to steeple higher. The steeple should be used with great caution though, for as much as it is a product of confidence (or perhaps over-confidence) - it can very often project arrogance, condescension and a patronizing attitude.  So what ever side of the negotiation you sit on, the steeple is an extremely telling sign. Approach with caution when you see it and use it only on the rare occasion.

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Negotiation Secret # 62, 63, 119 and 92: Insincerity, Frustration, Incredulity and Impatience

Sergey is angry. Sergey is impatient.  Sergey is incredulous. Sergey's "smile" is insincere. Sergey is frustrated. This is Sergey Aslanyan.  He is President of JSC Sitronics. I truly wonder if Mr. Aslanyan knows he is projecting these emotions.  The most telling sign is his insincere smile.  Whenever you see the brows raised and eyes wide open, the smile is ALWAYS forced.  His "smile" is a tight lipped one - consistent with suppressed dissenting opinion while attempting to be polite and/or politically correct. The particular positions of his fingers and thumb on the left face and forehead is a classic frustration signal. When you see an insincere smile, you should always be thinking that there is an incredulous component of emotion present, especially when accompanied by frustration.

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Negotiation Secret # 81: A Negative Emotional Cluster

How would you like to know what another is really thinking and feeling in a negotiation or meeting? The secret is not in their words, but displayed in nuances of their body and face.

France's Finance Minister Christine Lagarde demonstrates a negative emotional cluster in this photograph.  Her hands are clenched with her fingers interlaced, protecting her neck, and her upper arms are held very close to her body - also a protective posture. These all indicate a negative emotional tone with low confidence and anxiety. Her tight lipped "smile" - which is nearly horizontal but appears less so because of her downward head tilt -  has a tightness in the area immediately above her upper lip. This tightness is consistent with mild anger. Ms. Legarde's brows are slightly depressed and drawn together - also a sign of anger. There are also signs of mild disgust present.

We do not know what is being said, and even if we were present, we may not speak French, but we can be absolutely sure she doesn't like what she is hearing and she is feeling defensive and angry. I highly doubt that she wants anyone else to know she's experiencing these emotions. People are rarely aware of what emotions they are projecting in real-time.

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My Debate Analysis on KXNT:Sharron Angle vs. Harry Reid

Radio Commentary:  Listen to my interview on KNXT Newsradio 100.5 FM / 840 AM.  I was a guest on the Alan Stock Show just prior to the U.S. Senate Debate between Sharron Angle and Harry Reid. The debate was from 6:00 to 7:00 PM on Thursday, October 14th, 2010.  There was both pre and post Debate Analysis on what Body Language to watch for - and then afterwards, I spoke about the Candidates and their nonverbal signals.  To paraphrase Maya Angelou, Most people don't remember what a you say, but they'll always remember how you made them feel. This is something that most people aren't aware of - or too often forget.  One of these politicians knows this, while the other has forgotten it.

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Sincerity Secret # 39: Tears of Joy

This is a witness to the rescue mission of the 33 miners recently liberated in Chile.  It reminds us of the importance of context when interpreting body language.  If you didn't know the miners were being saved (32 of the 33 were freed when this photo was taken) you wouldn't be able to tell if they were rescued or lost.  This woman  is crying tears of joy.  The "grief" muscles in the center of her forehead are contracted and she is covering her mouth.  People may also cover their mouth when surprised, witnessing something horrific, or witnessing something wonderful.  It is often displayed when profound empathy is being experienced.

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Negotiation Secret # 64: 10% of the Face is All You NeedRaindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head.....

All you see here of Mark Webber, a formula one driver from Australia, is a fraction of his face, but that's all you need to see. Mr. Webber is clearly displaying one of two similar emotions - disgust or contempt. We see three distinct signs of these emotions: a dilation of the nostril (only one is viable), a foreshortening and tightening of the "mustache" area, and a protrusion of the lower lip.  Disgust looks identical to contempt except for one key element - contempt is almost entirely unilateral while disgust is bilateral displayed. Since we only can  see part of  his left side and none of his right - we don't know which of these emotions Mark is experiencing.

Contempt is always directed at a person (even oneself), or group of people, while disgust may also be directed at the nonliving. Perhaps he is disgusted at the rain - or he is in contempt of another driver,  but while we can't know the cause, we can be sure he is feeling one of these two negative emotions at the moment of this photo.

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Negotiation Secret # 65: A Classic Sign of Anger-Anxiety

This picture of Washington Redskins Coach, Mike Shanahan shows an absolutely great example of an"Inward Lip-Roll". An Inward Lip-Roll is a classic sign of anger-associated anxiety. When you see this particular lip disappearing act, its maker is trying to control his or her temper. Their fuse has grown short and there is a significant chance that they're about to lose their temper.

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